So, I knew it was coming, right? Something’s going to break loose, right? I knew it, and this morning about 2 am ish, the memory/flashback occurred.
I was basically abused by a neighborhood family, who masqueraded as good southern Methodist folk. The people who actually abused me were many. However, the main culprits were a mother, a father, and their son. The father being the biggest, baddest, sickest Sadist I have ever come across. The mother, who, well, both the mother and father practiced the ideology of incest with their biological children, and then anybody else they could get their greasy paws on. The mother had a system, like me, or else she was really Borderline and in a horrifically abusive marriage, but she was a perp too. Just as guilty as the father and their son.
The Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) occurred at a funeral home in the town I grew up. Heading north out of town, it was on the West side of the road. All ritual activity happened in the basement. The memory was seeing a blonde girl, about 17, with flowers in her hair-no shit-a white dress and her being lifted up by the cloaked cult members. Next memory/flashback, I was sitting in the back of the “Hush Money” 78 Ford Silver Grenada with the mother wrapping me up in a wool blanket, and throwing me in the back seat. The daughter, who was the lure, was sitting in the passenger back seat, and she was stroking my arm as I sat there dumbfounded, but distinctly remembering not wanting to ever be touched again. And that’s all I got for now.
It’s quiet on the inside. I cancelled home health care- they haven’t been here since March and they want to trapse back in here, like nothing ever happened. I’m sorry. But this is my abode. I dwell here. I say who comes and who cannot and who has to go. Tough titty, kitty. “I’m sorry you feel that way”. Sister, you don’t know the half of it. I rescheduled my shrink appointment. It’s taking everything I have to lay here and not let my 80’s popcorn ceiling be too loud for me. Killin me. Just killin me.
It’s not over, that was just like, a peek. Hence, piercing the veil. I’ve been rapidly unwinding for about two weeks with the mapping and integrating going on and new parts. And being a grown up on top of that. And no smoking or drinking, but boy! Have we been shopping. All that goes back as well. I have to eliminate debt. Unsecured debt. Not good.
So, I feel like shit I’m going to take a nerve pill, YES I DO PHARMACEUTICAL DRUGS!!!!! CUZ I NEED TO!!!!! or else Ida been dead by now. And finally begin to read a great book: “A Path With Heart”, by Jack Kornfield.