Like the Phoenix, I Shall Rise

Good morning, all the parts at sea.   I’ve been gone a long while; a lot has been popping.

My health is awful.  I have a case of Osteoporosis everything, getting steroid injections from a pain clinic, bariatric surgery is what’s next.  France got postponed for a year-which is awesome, cuz they didn’t allow enough time for anything.  Let alone the 6 weeks it takes to reinstate or procure your passport.

‘But, my new therapist is a Godsend.  Just an angel directly from heaven sent for me.  Every morning, I get up, open my computer, start a new note and have a morning meeting with my system.  Every.  Damn.  Day.  And it’s working, I’m learning when I’m switching or that I have totally switched  My spare bedroom has been cleared out, and is in the process of becoming a healing arts studio.  Somewhere where I can paint, draw, read, journal, blog, and use craft paper and the wall to map out my whole system (400+ parts/alters).

I am working on my house.  Like finally-a place for everything, and everything in it’s place, you know.  Cuz I moved to this condo and shit hit the fan, pronto.  There wasn’t even foreplay, just, BLAMMO!!!  So, going through all I have been through left my housekeeping skills-I used to be a janitor, maid and senior home aide, so it’s not that I don’t know how to clean, it just, staying alive became paramount to a clean sink.

I was suicidally depressed from 2012-2016.  Was not a fucking picnic.  It sucks cuz I see these people in my 12 step meetings and they’re getting married, having babies, starting careers-living life.  And the co-occuring disorders population here in Bland Rapids ain’t all that big, so I don’t have a lot of people similar to me.  And if I did, it would be very unhealthy.  I’ve tried to be friends with other DID women, and it’s just a bad idea.  As we say in recovery-“Two sickies don’t make a wellie.

August 1, of this year will mark a HUGE milestone for me.  It will be a full calendar year that I was not hospitalized in a psych facility since 1997.  20 years, every year at the bare minimum, one hospitalization a year, but this year?  None.  That’s huge.  My therapist gave me a present.  I met her in outpatient hospitalization in 08, whenI was diagnosed with DID and sobered up.  So, we go back a long while.  But, we’re thinking of going to Chicago.  I’d like that.  I love Chicago.  8/15, I’ll have 9 years sober.  Been officially exiled from one of the cliques I used to cruise with in recovery.  So, because of trauma/shitty ways I treated people, I’m exiled.  Okay.  I left Junior High in 1987, and haven’t looked back.

I saw my old therapist at Costco.  She’s itty bitty right?  So, I see her and she’s trying to reach something over her head on top of a shelf.  I had my back turned, but I heard this loud, CRASH.  Shit all fell down on her.  I had to go down the next aisle cuz I was like, Sometimes Karma, we get along very well.

Went and saw Red Hot Chili Peppers in June.  Fucking religious experience.  I went by myself, cuz thats how I roll.  T shirts were $45.  I bought the album, The Getaway, which is their touring album.  Amazing.  They’re an awesome live band.  Just fucking incredible.

But ever since I do the morning meetings, I’ve been able to stay out of the hospital, clean and organize my house-I mean like washing walls shit-get ready for a trip.  It’s, it’s crazy when I think of where I was this time of year last year.  I was in PsychLab.  Fucking scary place.  Never again.

I’m learning how to take care of myself emotionally, and stay around safe people, and get to know people over time, have boundaries, and my values got a facelift.   So much has changed.  And more changes are coming.

This is a short entry, but I’m still working.  And each time I need to, I’ll write.   Apparently people read this blog and it helps them.  That was the whole reason I bought this address.  DID is, there’s just so much ignorance and bullshit surrounding it, I wanted to come out, and be like: This is the face of someone with DID and I’m doing just fine, all of us, thank you.