So, not a big rah-rah, Oprah girl, but I dig and have an immense amount of respect for the woman. This month, and for the next two moths, she’s highlighting mental illness. Awesome. Our hats are off to her!!! This months was a lady who had been suffering- and I do not use that term lightly- perimenopause.
I had a hysterectomy in 2005ish. I was 32 ish. I had two TIA’s (Transient Ischemic Attacks)- baby strokes because I had smoked and still took HRT. Well, after my TIA’s, I quit smoking in July of 2014, and have not smoked since. I see an OB GYN in the beginning of February. I’m also on Abilify. All two factors contributing to weight gain. Don’t get me wrong, but the weight gain is influenced by more than meds and perimenopause and lack of estrogen and testosterone and progesterone. I’m a big girl. No secret. I make horrid food choices. I was going to try a hypno lap band. But with DID, it’s a case by case basis as to whether hypnosis works. Personally, I don’t think it would work and after briefly, and I mean briefly talking to my therapist, I know it won’t work. So, onto Plan B. Another program, like Atkins, which cuts out all processed food and sugar. I think at least Atkins would be a start, but the sugar kicks my ass. I don’t know if it is because I’m an addict that I crave sugar, but if I have processed, not necessarily natural sugar, I eat sugar for the rest of the day.
But, I digress…in the Oprah feature, they had Maslows Hierarchy of Needs. Basic? Food, water, sex and shelter. Then safety- financial and physical and, I think in my case, mental. Well, that’s why I have my holistic therapist/yogi. We’re working on the Root Chakra. Which is more than just sex. It is safety, your history, where you came from- which, on my mother’s side, is a guess at best- security, financial et al, being grounded, ie Earthing. Those kind of basic root activities. There are eating root foods, certain crystals and essential oils that help as well. I’m doing all these things. And recovery and balancing a home life and family. I just slipped in my recovery. And by slipping, I mean not only did I pick up and use, Sobriety Lost It’s Importance. So, I’m trying to get better, really feel better, and I’ll never make it to level III of Maslows RPG of life, if I keep scattering my energies.
I heard that the road to recovery was only 24 inches long. It is the link between your head and heart and hooking up the two, connecting and learning to communicate the connections. Ok. Well, I suck at feelings and communication…let’s start there.
How do I feel? Tired, sick, worn out, sad, malasical, physically pained, but okay and ready to soldier through another day. Do I want to lie in bed and pull the covers over my head and cry and rest? HEllz YeaH! Can I? Sure. Do I want to? Kinda. But I know it won’t help with anything. It would be totally counter productive to my healing and bustling up the hierarchy. So, what do I do? Ah yes, the mantra of the spa~ “Feel your feelings and stay safe”. No acting in or acting out. No eating or attention grabbing, and no stuffing feelings and keeping everything held in.
So, February 5th is the OB Gyn. Today is the 21st. I’ve gone this long, what’s three weeks? Saw my shrink yesterday. He wants to lower my meds. I told him. I’m barely hanging on. Didn’t hear a word of it. Okay. That means quityerbitching.
I’m learning. I got leveled. Each time I tried to pull myself up, I’d get served. “Sometimes when they knock you down and out, it’s best to stay there.” Like in boxing- stay down, stay down. Because it’s more than pride. If you don’t take care of yourself first and foremost, you could get the life knocked out of you. Then Maslow and everything I was dancing on, doesn’t seem so important. Be kind to yourself. Be nice to yourself. Be gentle with yourself…and others.