October 18th…

October 18th is a shit day for me.  I’m trying to NOT let it affect me, but nothing good happened on this day.  Three years ago, I had to put Forrest down.  I still have his ashes, I don’t know where to spread them.  I do, but I have to wait for a windy day.  Crazy cat lady…go ahead.  Whatever.

Seven years ago, at three months and three days sober, I was rapid tested for HIV.  I tested positive.  No false positives, but we’ll send it off to the lab.  I remember the counselor shoved a box of Kleenex in front of me.  I shoved it away, and said, “I’m not sad, I’m angry”.  Cuz I knew it was Dave.  And then no one believed me or would help me stop him, until he turned himself into the police December 23rdish, 2011.

That turned into a nightmare.  Interferon for Hep C- courtesy of Dave.  Which he never told me about-during a HIGHLY publicized criminal trial.  Then the SRA memories, now the official word he is dead.  Full circle.  Everything comes full circle.  I don’t care what anybody says.  It’s all full circle.

So, here I sit.  My mom is singing in the choir.  I can’t be there to support her.  Not because of what happened to me at church, but how much I detest organized religion and churches.  That’s what it comes down to, really.  I hate church(es).  Had to do some soul searching for that one yesterday.

Would I like to become a minister and be able to wed people- anyone, unless they want to marry their animal or family member-?  Hell yes?  Would I like to use Reiki and crystals and oils and study and learn?  Hell yes!  Would I like to become a new age minister?  Fuck yeah.  That’s it.  Thanks zen writing, you just helped me find my purpose and passion on a shit day.  Oh well…

I feel better after getting this emotional hairball off my chest.  Jesse Cook is Tuesday.  Bonnie’s funeral is Halloween.  And Theory of a Dead Man is Nov. 7th at Orbit Room.

So, I also found a new menu for Thanksgiving.  Awesome!!!

See, a little get it out of your head and onto paper-or cyberspace-and it’s all good.

Have a great day!

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