October 18th is a shit day for me. I’m trying to NOT let it affect me, but nothing good happened on this day. Three years ago, I had to put Forrest down. I still have his ashes, I don’t know where to spread them. I do, but I have to wait for a windy day. Crazy cat lady…go ahead. Whatever.
Seven years ago, at three months and three days sober, I was rapid tested for HIV. I tested positive. No false positives, but we’ll send it off to the lab. I remember the counselor shoved a box of Kleenex in front of me. I shoved it away, and said, “I’m not sad, I’m angry”. Cuz I knew it was Dave. And then no one believed me or would help me stop him, until he turned himself into the police December 23rdish, 2011.
That turned into a nightmare. Interferon for Hep C- courtesy of Dave. Which he never told me about-during a HIGHLY publicized criminal trial. Then the SRA memories, now the official word he is dead. Full circle. Everything comes full circle. I don’t care what anybody says. It’s all full circle.
So, here I sit. My mom is singing in the choir. I can’t be there to support her. Not because of what happened to me at church, but how much I detest organized religion and churches. That’s what it comes down to, really. I hate church(es). Had to do some soul searching for that one yesterday.
Would I like to become a minister and be able to wed people- anyone, unless they want to marry their animal or family member-? Hell yes? Would I like to use Reiki and crystals and oils and study and learn? Hell yes! Would I like to become a new age minister? Fuck yeah. That’s it. Thanks zen writing, you just helped me find my purpose and passion on a shit day. Oh well…
I feel better after getting this emotional hairball off my chest. Jesse Cook is Tuesday. Bonnie’s funeral is Halloween. And Theory of a Dead Man is Nov. 7th at Orbit Room.
So, I also found a new menu for Thanksgiving. Awesome!!!
See, a little get it out of your head and onto paper-or cyberspace-and it’s all good.
Have a great day!